Why Me?

Sara had grown up with a clear vision of where she wanted to be in life. As an engineer she envisioned setting up her own firm and offering engineering services.She had envisioned a big family,big cars and the good things a girl dreams of  growing up.

As she sat at the balcony enjoying some coffee and reading her own book, memories went to three years back. Yes, she had graduated from college and landed the job she had dreamt of. She was an electrical engineer. She was now staying on her own and could pay her bills and once in a year afford a vacation.Life was good. In her mind she would soon settle with her long time boyfriend,maybe  have a small wedding. She was good at what she did and a lot of people appreciated her work. She was proud of herself.

It was one of those chilly Monday mornings when she arrived at work. There were lots of projects to be completed that week so she grabbed some hot coffee to keep off the cold and get energized for the week. The phone rang.

“Hello,Sara on the line.How may I help you?”

It was her boss. He requested her to report to his office. Once there Sara sensed that something wasn’t right.This was not the usual Monday meetings where she got to update her boss on progress of the projects.She sat down and waited for his call to be over.

To her surprise, there was a letter on the table which she had not noticed.It was handed over to her. It read “termination of contract”. Sara read through not sure if everything happening was reality. As it turned out for reasons she couldn’t comprehend at that time, her time was over in the organization. She has to leave. She went back to her office, packed her belongings and left. This was not the time for goodbyes.

“Who fires people on a Monday morning?”She thought to herself. She felt betrayed.She was bitter. Sara had worked so hard for the company and could not think if that was the way for them to payback. She left not sure where to go and how to break the news to her family.

In her house, she closed herself in and switched off her phone.She needed her company only.No distractions. She needed time to mourn. “Why me?”She sobbed.It had been five days when she came back to her senses. She couldn’t sleep due to a throbbing headache. Sara had heard lots of stories about depression.She had never thought a day would come when she would attract it. She didn’t want to suffer depression.For her family’s sake she had to be strong.

She resumed reading: “On this day I realized bad things will happen to good people. While most will ask “Why me? I realized I needed to ask “Why not me?” Why not me inspiring someone that there’s so much hope even after a season of brokenness? Why not me encouraging someone that life doesn’t end the day they get fired?Why not me  being a voice of  reason to them that feel that it’s the end? Why not me being an encouragement that whatever was meant for evil can work for good?

She paused. Looking back, that fateful day had marked a new season in her life. What had been meant for evil had worked in all ways for her good.

“What if I was still trying to find out the answers to “why me” till today?”She thought.

She realized in the midst of turmoil a positive outlook can help one travel miles through the storm.On the other hand a negative one, makes one lighter and more vulnerable for the storm to sway and destroy them.

“Happy third anniversary to me,” she shouted as she went to refill her mug.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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After the assignment

She watched as the casket went down.Memories of the day she had said “I do” ran through her mind.It was one of the happiest days in her life,finally she was getting married to the man of her dreams.She had known so much happiness in the last two years until the tragic accident happened,marking the till-death-do-us-part moment. Sara was stuck in this moment and all she could do was to cry and take in the last moments of seeing her husband.She now appreciated what each day with a loved one meant.Sara understood that moments spent with her husband could never be exchanged for anything she could ever think about.There was so much  they had planned for. She now had to figure out a lot of things by herself ,maybe she may not have to,she may follow him soon.She had thought to herself.

It had been 5 years since that day. Sara  was flipping through her album when a photo of her late husband got her attention. It was the sunny day he had proposed to her seven years back. It had been tough trying to get on with her life without him. Sara had well understood  that what couldn’t kill her would only make her stronger and so she had resolved to try to be strong and move on.She had realized her time was limited just like her husband’s and she made up her mind to indulge in something that would keep her busy before her time comes too.She was now more aware of how life is a temporary assignment and decided to make everyday on this assignment count.

Tomorrow will be a great day,Sarah thought to herself. It was one of the days she had always looked forward to.

                                                                   *
The room was fully packed;there were lots of people seated calmly and waiting.
“Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together and help me welcome the woman of
the moment.” Boomed the voice.

Sara briskly walked on the stage looking more confident than ever.She had never thought of this moment when Tim was alive. Being alone had taught her so much, she learned to face challenges alone, attack her fears and that journey had brought her to this stage.After greetings, she thanked everyone for gracing the occasion and proceeded with her speech.

“Since the death of my husband a lot of things got a new meaning in my life.Before that day I didn’t think it wasn’t obvious to spend an hour, a day ,a month a year with some one you love. I realized I had come to a point of assuming that if today is, then tomorrow must be. If now I am,tomorrow I most likely will. If now I have,then next time  I will be having too.

I came to realize that time moves on.Kinda it never gives a damn on  what’s happening to you.I remember the night he passed away, I wished I would have been given more time with him. I was bitter with God for taking him away that soon. There were so many plans we had,a little more time with him would have helped us complete them. Six months after his death I realized I had wished a lot but time had gone. I knew another six months  spent the same way would cost me a lot. I made up my mind to stand strong and use the extra few minutes I had in a day indulging in something that would keep my mind occupied. I loved writing and so in between traffic I wrote a few words each day.This is why we all are here today celebrating the birth of a new book.”

The crowd cheered.

“You see,”she continued, “I realized it’s not how much time you have in a day but rather doing something extra ordinary;making use of the extra few minutes you have in a day.It isn’t about abundance of time, but abundance of time creative thoughts that makes the difference.

Ever since Tim passed away, I have always kept asking myself this question:What if God could show us how many more days we have left? ” She paused. The crowd was silent. “Am sure some of us would maybe leave here this minute go make things right with their loved ones,parents who would  wake from their sleep to accumulate more wealth for their kids,there are people who would start looking for their passports now to make that trip around the world,there are people who would work harder on their dreams than  they are today,there are those who would start spending more time with their families today. Unfortunately this day remains a mystery until it comes.It could be the day after today, it could be next month, it could be next year….create time today, do these things.

In the last five years I also have come to realize we are where we are today as a result of the hours,minutes and days we have put in or not put in to make ourselves a better version of we. A little effort for a few minutes in a day over a period of time,got me here today. If you are to wake up and spend your time the way you do now for the next fifty-two weeks, where do you think you would be after the weeks are over? Some of us will be narrating great stories, others will be rising above the bars and changing history, others will be making  history but others  it will just be an end of a year.

What are you doing with this valuable called time? I have often looked at time as :To Invest More Everyday. The question is what do you invest in? A minute invested in wrong things over and over becomes a year..two years..three.. by the time most realize the dents are already in place. An hour a day invested in something good adds more life to a year lived.Think what thirty minutes a day working out on the gym could do to your body. Same way  thirty minutes working on something you want to achieve or improve on could transform you life, turning to three hours a week, twelve hours in a month and so many days in a year. Looking back I realize everyday I spent with Tim had been an investment into our marriage.The hours we invested every day of our marriage and how we invested had defined our lives as we parted. It could have been two years of just living with another human being or two years of a rich experience about life.I am glad it was the latter.

It’s unfortunate that most people do not appreciate the time they have because they always look at time in a wrong context. The little time you can spend with your kids, there’s someone locked up in prison and wishing they could just have that time. Someone else is wishing they could afford your little extra time because they have a crazy work schedule. Someone else is in a hospital bed running out of time and wishing they could have just one more hour with their family. Another one is wishing they could have that extra minute and start over again,do things right. Others are wishing to have that extra day over the weekend and accomplish something. Some of us wish for one more day, just one more time to spent with our departed ones.

Life is busy but we still get time to eat and drink because it’s a necessity. Unless what you want to pursue matters to you, it will always be difficult to get time. You can’t prioritize what you don’t love. Would it be fit to say we don’t love our dreams because we don’t prioritize it, we don’t love our families because we don’t prioritize them? If you have the desire to get something done, you will always create time.

I do hope as you read this book, you will open your minds to some of the time nuggets shared there in and help others realize that the  wealth of time discriminates no one;the haves and have-nots, the young the old,the literate the illiterate, the religious the atheists, we can all embrace it.

Thank you all for listening.” She ended.

The crowd cheered jubilantly.

It was a great day.Sara was glad to have lived to see it.

It’s one big story,what’s your part?

I grew up from a small village in what was then Eastern Province in Kenya.My parents were not rich but  to me they were as there’s no single day I lacked what was necessary for me to grow up.It was somehow a perfect life;not really so but I was a happy girl.I don’t remember a single day that I ever complained to God or even anyone about my life;I appreciated every bit of it,the hot sun back in the village,the morning walk to school and evening back home and sometimes on bare foot! In life as you may learn,it’s  never about all things being perfect but rather the attitude we choose to embrace every day with.

At the age of 14, I was ready to join high school.Shortly before,something terrible happened:my dad,the sole breadwinner in the family,lost his job.It is said that it’s darkest before dawn.This point became one of the darkest moments in my life and it would be many days later before my dawn would come.

I had always had such a big faith in my parents,I always believed that somehow they will make things work. One day while on holiday I overheard a conversation between  them that struck me so hard and instantly all the faith I had of things working out diminished. I realized that we were facing the possibility of bankruptcy and as a result there would be no more money to get my fees paid. My faith lane changed.

I wasn’t yet done with my first year in high school and this was happening? I had so much hope of getting through high school,getting to campus, getting a good job and giving myself and my family a better future.All hope was lost.My mind immediately bought into all the negative thoughts it could and I sank into a pit of pessimism.I would think to myself what was the point of waking up and attending classes if there was no fees? What was the point of all the hard work since i was likely to drop out of school? What was the point of being in  school?What was the point of working for a future that was no longer guaranteed? I remember crying silently in bed every single night for many nights.I was depressed,it was devastating.

There will be seasons in your life as you grow when one barrier will be sent your way to break you.There will be seasons in your life when nothing will make sense.There will be times when the only source of hope you had, will no longer be there. These will be critical moments especially when you are young because they will define many more seasons of your life there after.

After crying for a good number of nights, I got tired .I realized my crying was not making the situation better.Having grown up in a christian family I knew there was something called prayer.I made up my mind to give it a try.So for the next many mornings for many months I would wake up,go to the prayer room and talk to God.As I prayed,it dawned to me that regardless of the odds against me,God had allowed me to be alive and to be in that school.My life was not yet over and He had a purpose for me.My life was still intact and there was so much more that lay ahead of me.At this moment,all I told God was He knew I was young and that I was at school to learn and not to look for school fees. I made a declaration that I never ever would be sent home for school fees.I then realized that my part in this whole story was to learn and do well in school.My parents’ part was to pay school fees.And the part of God was to help my parents get the school fees.This was the eye opener that turned my life around.Realize that when negative situations get staged in your life you’ve got to figure out  what your part in the story is. This way it becomes clear what to dedicate yourself to and make better decisions.

There after,every single day of high school  I employed all the faith i could in to my declaration that I would never be sent home for fees.As it turned out in my 4 years at school,I was never sent away  for fees.I even cleared with an over payment, yet my family situation hadn’t changed. Looking back today, I try to think, had  I never made that one decision to get on my knees and pray, Would i have seen the end to my 4 years in the school?How would my life look like today?

All odds could be against you today, but that’s just the beginning of a bigger testimony,a better inspiration.You got to figure out  your part in that story , act accordingly and watch all pieces fall into place.The only challenge is,what is that one positive decision you will make against the odds?